Through the looking glass: Filipinos riot over a halfsie

Lost may be my favorite tv series of all time.  I loved watching each episode and going, "WTF?!  Where are they now?"  One episode comes into my mind which kinda gave me the inspiration to write this new surprise blog.  The season 3 finale "Through the Looking Glass" if any of you remember had a scraggly looking Jack screaming at Kate that they have to go back to the island.  That was the first time in the series that had an episode show a moment in the series' storyline that was at the present time.  Lost?  Gotcha!  That moment started my complete obsession with Lost because I had so many questions and I was getting so confused that Lost was now showing the past, present, and future all in one episode.  Many of you have found out that as of tonight, 5/23/2012, I have a complete perfect match for my allo stem cell transplant.  I'm sure a lot of you have questions on my current treatment, why it's so hard to talk about the emotions I went through during my first couple treatments, or on why I am so comfortable talking and joking about me dying.  Hopefully this blog could shed some light onto that.  As I change it up and blog about what is happening in the present. 

Wait this isn't Phillip Phillps?  Its also not 1999.

Wow, that was a very horrible introduction to the blog.  I wanted to make it sound dramatic like how the beginning of Lost is.  I think it's everyone here at my in-laws watching American Idol and I'm constantly complaining how unimpressed I am with Jessica Sanchez(Who I've been calling Jessica Rodriguez for almost 2 weeks.)  If you gonna be a Mexipino, you gotta look hot, and have the attitude.  Jessica Sanchez looks like a below average filipino and is just eeeehhhh to me, If you wanna see what good looking Filipinos look like, check out my friend list!  But also check out Lidia and her friend list, you add in some of that Mexican with a Filipino and you get holy crap! :)  See how this damn show distracts me?  Congrats to Dave Matthews Jr to winning American Idol 34.

Some people have personally texted me that they are proud of what I'm going through and so happy that the treatments went well.  Honestly guys, I consider those treatments a complete failure if I'm still going through the fight now.  Its been an up and down nonstop 16 month battle with cancer.  Its come to the point that I envy those cancer patients that have had a few years of remission because, they've lived their life and had a break to recover.  I as of this moment, am mentally, physically, and emotionally drained.  Everything I have been blogging about has been nothing but an absolute failure and a very vivid horrible memory.  That's why its so hard to talk about it because I remember every moment of it and I still feel the pain and suffering i had to endure, but it compares nothing to what I am going through now and what i will be enduring in the very near future.  It has been a complete nightmare for Lidia and I since the end of March 2012 and finally today some light has been shown.

Last week, I finished my 2nd cycle of R-EPOCH.  Let me tell you, if I thought R-CHOP was a bitch R-EPOCH is like one of those ghetto girls that just don't quit in the club.  This time around, each chemo cycle was almost one week long IN THE HOSPITAL!  I had four 24 hour continuous chemo bags, and when that was done one 15 minute bag of cytoxan.  Funny how a drug has the word toxic in it and it's suppose to help me.  I was a complete zombie after this junk.  Shoot, I still feel like a zombie now.  I also started radiation today on my neck.  This time around I didn't need any tits :) placed on my neck because a mold was made of my face and I get to wear something similar to a giant old school Jason hockey mask that already has the markings on it there.  Today I had a huge day at Loyola University Medical Center in the 'Wood,  I talked to my psychologist today, yes I have a psychologist because I almost tripped off my balcony in April.  When I say tripped, I mean almost jumped.  Now before any of you text or call me, let me swallow these 10 vicodin first...I'm just kidding about the vicodin part,  but yeah I've hit the threshold of how much emotional bullshit I can withstand and back then I was highly considering it.  Problem is, I really am a pussy when it comes down to it because when I looked down, ehhh let's just say it was really "cold" outside on the 11th floor.  Now that it's out in the open that i seriously considered killing myself,  if I have called you in the month of April, I was really trying to say "goodbye" to you.  Don't worry family and friends, I'm perfectly fine now, not taking any meds which I'm proud of and I wouldn't harm a fly.  So that was that meeting, then I had my meeting with my onco doc Dr. Smith.  Everything looked perfect, except I still have a tiny problem swallowing and my throat still hurts, eventually as reassured as usual by Smith, would go away.  Since I started radiation earlier in the day, Smith recommended that R-EPOCH was to be canceled because I had such good success (or failure) with radiation.  The tumor was now only localized to my throat coiled around my esophagus.  Which means, my PICC line was taken out today!!!!  Oh man, I might have to reserve a future blog just on how many damn central lines I've had and my horrors with them.  So, PICC line out: check, not crazy: check, started radiation: check, and Smith gave me the news I have been waiting for.  I originally had 3 matches and these people could be from anywhere in the world.  They stay anonymous until a year after the transplant.  If they decide to reveal themselves at that time, they could.  But Smith told me they have finally found a donor who accepted.  26 year old male from God knows where, but again perfect match!!  Many of you have read my FB update that I would go above and beyond to find him after a year and repay him with lots of paid intercourse.  Hey, guy to single guy gift, that's perfect don't judge! :)  If he's married, I have alternatives, if he's gay I also have one specific alternative.

Now I really haven't differentiated to the masses what an autologous and allogenic stem cell transplant is.  The stem cell transplant in my opinion is the oncologist saying "Oh shit, nothing else is working lets give them the old transplant."  Both are very dangerous, lengthy, painful, and mentally draining procedures.  But the Auto is safer since its your own stem cells and it's protocol to always go with the safest first then an Allo.  The only time an Allo is used first before is patients with recurring Leukemias.  So, without getting into detail, I've had an Auto stem cell transplant in January of this year.  You have a couple rounds of chemo to shrink of the sucker, then you're stem cells are harvested through an aphresis machine.  Once they have the targeted number of cells, they put them on ice and for a week blast you with the most intense, most horrible, God awful, sweet Jesus chemo to get rid of any of the cancer that is left, and to weaken your immune system.  Your immune system needs to be weakened so when the stem cells are reinfused back into your body, its like jumping a car battery.  So my immune system basically was rebooted.  Now this may sound like sugar and spice and everything nice, but this entire procedure messed me up.  I had to go through a massive workup on tests and labs before the transplant, needed another bone marrow biopsy, needed another stinking line put through my chest wall.  This was after the 3 rounds of chemo I went through every 2 weeks which put me in the hospital for several days.  Then I was given that God awful high dose chemo,  I had a Foley put in me the very last day of chemo...and for the first time in my life, a medical procedure made me cry in pain.  When the stem cells were infused, my blood counts were horribly low, you're monitored daily to see if your white blood cells, hemoglobin, and platelets were dropping and boy did they plummet.  White cells were as low as 0.1 with the normal range around 5.  That meant if I got an illness, I'd possibly croak, My hemoglobin was super low, no hemoglobin means oxygen cant get to your organs, you croak.  Platelets were at like 10, normal range is 150 and above.  No platelets mean you start bleeding you cant stop, you croak.  I had a nose bleed for 10 hours!  Jeesh, last time i pick my nose! haha!  Slowly for a month, you recover.  You're put on isolation for over 2 weeks after the procedure.  I was fully recovered in march of 2012 after over 2 months of complete hell.  This ladies and gentlemen...is the easy stem cell transplant, and it failed me like hiring a crack addict to babysit your children for the night.  My tumor grew back in 2 weeks after I was cleared to travel,  and it grew back fast, that's when I started acting crazy. 

Although I'm very happy to find a perfect match for my allo transplant, let me give off some medical facts, there's a 20-30% mortality rate with the procedure.  Don't know how accurate that is but it scared my feces out of my butt.  Everything I've read with the Allo was risk this danger that.  There's a reason why this stuff isn't given to people over the age of 60.  All my Auto SCT was done out patient except for the week of the High dose chemo which destroyed me and I was in the hospital for a week.  For an Allo SCT, I will be in the hospital for one full month then 100 days of isolation.  Same procedure as the last, I begged my onco doc and the transplant nurse that no bone marrow biopsies were to be performed and no chemo was to be given that required a Foley.  I seriously begged, and I almost cried, a guarantee was not given.  I flat out refused to have another transplant.  I even went to houston to THE #1 cancer center in america check me out.  During April, I thought I was going to die.  I've learned to accept my fate.  And every single moment I'd think about my family, I'd lose it emotionally, even to this day.  I cry, because I realize I don't have enough pictures of Daniela and I together.  If I pass, she's not going to know who her father is.  I didn't do enough to be a prominent figure in her life.  She's going to be calling some greased up Puerto Rican Papi.  Then Lidia's gonna start dressing like jennifer lopez. Ooo, I'd be so pissed if that happened.  Who was going to take care of Lidia and Daniela?  Who was going to support them.  My family and friends, when people say don't give up, keep fighting, last year I'd go psssshhh while making a lewd back and forward motion with my hand and wrist.  I thought this was all easy stuff.  I was young, my body could take it.  But recently, I lost hope, I did not want to live, I was ok with dying.  But thinking about how much I would miss out if I would die at 28 or 29, I couldn't afford to do it.  I was telling a coworker of mine, there really is a will to live that you can actually turn on and off.  If you give up, your body will shut down.  I turned my will back on...just think Rocky 4 when Rocky is training to fight Ivan Drago, that motivation to go out and kick someones ass was the same for my will to live.  I believe in it now...I need to steel my body, mind, and soul with everything I've got because I literally have 4-8 weeks before the dance.  Now all of you know that I'm in preparation for the absolute fight for my mother fucking life.  But don't worry, I got this...plus I still need to write about what happened last year and go into more detail about this year. :)

Jessica Sanchez was robbed?  She just needs a new face.